John Swain, a former lorry driver, 86, was brought to his funeral service at Gwent Crematorium on the back of a lorry owned by one of his sons, Rob.
His family took him on a tour of Cwmbran on Wednesday 8 January 2025 passing some spots in the town that had a special place in his heart.
The service was led by celebrant Jane Grayer who began by reading out the poem, ‘Soul of a Trucker’. She shared dozens of stories about Mr Swain and three ‘reflection songs’ were played- ‘Big John’ by Jimmy Dean, ‘When They Were Young’ by Dwain Eddy, and ‘I Just Called To Say I Love You’ by Stevie Wonder. The exit music was ‘Ring Of Fire’ by Johnny Cash.
Ms Grayer told the roomful of friends and relatives: “Family and friends welcome, please take your seats. My name is Jane Grayer and I’m your Celebrant for this afternoon.
“We are here together to celebrate the life of a charming rogue who was great company, fun to be with, and loved messing around. A man who always made people welcome and was a breath of fresh air, though guaranteed not to be politically correct as his sense of humour was a little blue, to say the least and who loved singing but who could also be a fireball and a miserable old git. A very loving Dad, grandad and great grandad whose face would light up when he saw any of his family – John Francis Raymond Swain.
“Today may be a day of contradictions as we try to take on board John’s death and what it means to all of us. There may be a sense of relief in knowing that at last he is not in any pain or feeling frustrated by no longer being able to do so many of the things he enjoyed.
“We may feel that knowing he had been bedridden for a length of time we are or should be prepared in some way for this moment. We may be surprised by the intensity of the emotions we’re experiencing or the numbness which seems to make it feel unreal.
“Grief is complicated and will be experienced by each of us in different ways and at different times. Some will keep busy to keep the memories at bay, others will be content to let them flow along with the emotions that will undoubtedly accompany them.
“It takes time to understand the many ways our lives have been changed by this one event – but then in reality nothing can possibly be as it was, can it? Our lives have been changed forever, we have been changed, and we will all have to adjust to this new world, this new normality, but this does take time.
“But being here together today, on Elvis’ Birthday, which was chosen specifically as John was such a big fan, we have the opportunity to travel back through our collective memories of John and all the time we spent with him, sharing moments large and small which together formed his life, which in turn has affected our lives so much.
“Viewing them again from this place, we might find that we see them differently, understanding things in different ways, appreciating them more, seeing the many ways we have been influenced by them. We begin to recognise how much of John flows through us, in everything we do. As we start out on this unwanted journey of discovery, these words might resonate.
“Let’s share some moments from John’s life. He was born on 19th February 1938 in Botany Bay, Trelleck to Raymond and Greta and was their second child following big sister Gill and leading the way for younger brothers Duncan and Nick.
“The family moved when John was a toddler and he was a pupil at Catbrook infants and Junior School. He and Gill used to walk to school together, accompanied by the family dog Champion who would leave them at the gates and then go to see their Granny who lived next door before walking home. In the afternoon Champion would be waiting for them at Granny’s to walk them home again.
“John could recall watching dogfights from The Territory in the skies above Bristol. He went to Monmouth Secondary Modern School where he did well, especially enjoying woodwork and making a stool for his Mum which he was very proud of.
“He left school at fifteen and worked for his Uncle Sid as a tree feller until he was old enough to join the South Wales Borderers for his two years of National Service. When he went to the stores to collect his kit he was greeted by his cousin Peter who was working there.
“John was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean when his brother Nick was born on his way to the Selarang Camp in Singapore where troops were sent to acclimatise before being sent to Burma. When he came home he saw two little boys playing on the grass but had no idea which one was his brother.
“At some point he had an accident on his motorbike and came off in a ditch which resulted in him going to Monmouth Cottage Hospital which is where he met Pat who was an auxiliary nurse. They married and lived in Penallt with Pat’s parents while John went back to his job as a tree feller and where Andy was born. The couple moved to Cardiff where Carol were born before moving back to Monmouth where Deb and then Sally were born.
“Carol and Deb were playing in the lane in Monmouth one day when Deb, aged four threw her sister’s doll over the chain link fence. Carol, aged five put her arm through the hole in the fence to get the doll but broke her arm.
“Hearing the commotion John dashed out see what was happening before rushing her to the hospital in Hereford his prize black and yellow S type Jag. Sally also had to be rushed to hospital in the Jag some years later when she came off her bike, though the breakfast of cereal and Smarties seemed to help.
“Andy remembers being pulled through the lanes on a sleigh behind the Jag, taking turns with his Mum. At one time the family would travel on a motorbike and sidecar, with the parents on the bike and the three children in the sidecar.
“The family moved to Lydebrook because John was working as a lorry driver for Edwards of Lydbrook, buying The Bell Inn from the brewery. John soon set about converting it to a family home, including building a kitchen from scratch in the bar.
“The children all loved playing in the skittle alley and were really upset when he sold the equipment. Along with the renovations he also built the children a cabinet for the record player so that they could play all their records safely.
“The children always liked to encourage John to drive faster, not that he needed much encouragement and would often ask him to ‘do a ton’ along the dual carriageway, which he did.
“He was pulled over by the police on one occasion not because he was speeding on that occasion but because they wanted to know how fast the car could actually go as they could never catch him in the mornings.
“John kept birds in the garden in an aviary, particularly choosing finches, canaries and parakeets. He found an owl with a broken wing in a warehouse in Cardiff, and brought it home to be cared for, so the children remember feeding it chopped liver or live mice. There was Charlie the African Grey who swore a lot and a miner bird who was very good at imitations.
“Sally remembers on one occasion a health visitor called and knocked on the door. Hearing a voice saying “Come in” she did, looking around for Margaret but not seeing her anywhere. The voice said “want a cup of tea? Sit down.” In a perfect imitation of Margaret which freaked the health visitor out until the bird was revealed.
“John could spot a bird from miles and would easily get distracted by the beauty of the nature around him, which was fine providing he wasn’t driving!
“John loved motorboat racing and built his own boat, The Patricia Jean, in Gill and Denis’ garden before taking it to The River Monnow. Andy remembers being in the boat in the shallows when the propeller cut an eel in half. John and Pat used to fish for eels at Kerne Bridge, Symonds Yat, to cook and eat, which the children all hated.
“They did however love watching the motorboat racing and bouncing along the part of the river called the forge using inner tubes from the lorry tyres, though the air inlet on the tubes would dig into them.
“There were many Christmas parties at Kerne Bridge along with day trips on the coaches, a trip to the pantomime every year and even train trip to Devon, though it wasn’t so good for the mate and his family who got left there.
“Family was always important to John and he always went to visit his relatives in London, enjoying spending time with his cousins Jean, Marion and Barry. The children have many memories of time spent at Llangorse lake, wadding in jelly shoes while John and Barry who was working there would go off fishing together.
“He got on well with Pat’s family especially Uncle Sid and his boys and stayed in touch with many of the nieces and nephews. He was close to his sister Gill and her husband Denis, and was always there as a friend and support for their son Jeremy, particularly after his father died when he was just ten.
“Jeremy says: ‘Me and John always had a laugh and I know he had a soft spot for me. Twinkle in his eye, always chuck me twenty fags and then talk in great detail about some of his antics from his youth.’
“John always loved music which he would play on his 8 track in the car. One album that was always one repeat was 20 Town and Country Greats. Let’s take a moment at this point in John’s story to listen to a song which is really rooted in this time and which seems to tell us a bit about John’s character as well.
“When his marriage to Pat ended John needed help with the children and employed a housekeeper Margaret. After some time they married and John became step father to Mark. Rob was born, followed by Dan, Damo and Chris and the blended family moved to Newport where John did more driving around the docks area before taking a job with Bob Hill, travelling around fixing washing machines.
“He kept tropical fish in an aquarium, until the day Deb was cheeking Margaret who took off her Schol and threw it at her, only to miss and hit the fish tank instead, showering glass, water and fish everywhere. He had goldfish in the pond he built in the garden at a different house, surrounded by crazy paving until five year old Rob managed to tip in a gallon container of creosote that he had found in the shed.
“John was creative and could turn his hand to anything. He built a beautiful rocking horse for Rob’s first birthday which was used by all the children through the generations including his first great grandson Jay. There is a photo of the rocking horse amongst those on the slideshow if you want to see what it looked like
“Rob has said: ‘What can I say about my dad, he was much more than that – he was a friend, work colleague and mentor. I have so many memories of him but 1 that always sticks out is the 1st time I ever swore in front of him. I was 19 years old led under his minibus doing yet another job when the socket slipped and I smacked my knuckles on the chassis and said “F**k S**E”
“‘I got out from under minibus and he just stood there looked at me with that sly grin and said “hurt did it” then he laughed but I got so much to thank him for. The man I am today is because of him. I loved him then, I love him now, forever and always.’
“When Rob wanted to learn to drive John has told him to learn how to take a car engine apart and fix it first. He encouraged them all to get a trade, to get knew skills and to keep on learning how to do things for themselves.
“Chris has written: ‘From as far as I could remember you always knew what to do Dad, you always knew how to fix things from mechanics to appliances and garden machines. You taught us your skills to help us in life and the phrase “if you don’t know how then learn” has been uttered as your words of wisdom to this very day.
‘You used to take us on long drives on narrow country roads in the middle of nowhere showing us your old poaching grounds, where to catch trout, the hobbies that entertained you when you were younger always blasting your rock n roll and country tunes as we drove along.
‘I remember when I was about 9 years old and we were on our way to visit Doug, your mate, whose parents were friends with your parents from living in the cottage by them in Botany Bay. We were travelling on the single track roads to Tintern when we spotted a pheasant in a field that was about 200 ft from us.
“I said “Dad stop the van I’ll get it!” he smiled and said “ok”. I got out picked up a small rock and through it as hard as I could a hit the pheasant clean in the head killing it instantly and turned and looked at dad. The shocked look on his face was soon followed by a proud smile with glazed eyes, Doug had pheasant for dinner that day.
‘Those proud looks a father gives when you achieve something that either he’s taught you to do or encouraged you to learn to do are the best in the world and I’ll miss them.
‘I also remember you letting me and my late brother Damien ride on the bunk bed in the lorry when we were young, it would keep us occupied, we loved it and there were great and exciting moments to. Part of the excitement was the stack of magazines that truck drivers kept in the bunk bed compartment that inevitably helped our reading skills tremendously!
‘Your sense of humour was like no other, your love of comedians was also shared with us and there would be fits of laughter as we watched shows and videos together. You taught us to be tough and strong. physically and mentally, but we all still fell at the hurdles of understanding women lol! Gonna miss you dad and all your grandkids will too.’
“Daniel remembers the music – John’s vast collection of country and 60’s music, particularly Dwain Eddy always playing in the car.
“John and Margaret used to go to a local Country & Western Club, dressed appropriately with John wearing his bolo cowboy tie with a saddle as the clasp. They met Cal Ford at one event and became friendly with him and his wife Ann so they travelled to see him perform either with John White or with The Breakmen.
“John and Cal shared a love of birds as well as country music and travelled to Builth Wells together on one occasion to look at parrots, where Cal bought Sasha who was a white cockatoo and John bought Charlie. Cal and Ann always said they named their youngest son after Robert and Daniel.
“Deb remembers going on a school trip to Ilfracombe by boat from Swansea. She decided to go her own way rather than following the group, thinking it would be a short cut. Only to discover that she was stuck half way up, watching the boat sail away while waiting for the coastguard to rescue her. Then she had to call John who drove down with Margaret and Rob, to collect her and the two teachers who had been searching for her. That was a full car!
“No doubt ‘the look’ was used on that occasion – all the family know John’s look, check out the photo if you’re not sure which one we’re talking about. When John gave you that look, you knew you were in trouble!
“He also had a habit of frequently using phrases such as the famous “You’ve got eyes like a s**thouse rat!” which all the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will be familiar with and which most recently was bestowed on the youngest Great grandson Harv.
“Let’s take a moment to listen to a song which might well connect us with this part of John’s life.
“Some time after his marriage to Margaret ended John met Gwyn at a singles club. He had a minibus and used to drop everyone off, but he altered the route, doubling back on himself to make sure she was the last one on the bus. When they became a couple they were made lifelong members of the club so that he would carry on as minibus driver.
“When they married John become stepdad to Kim and Jason too. John was always so very proud of his family, all his children, whether step or not, his many grandchildren and his great grandchilden and always wanted to know what they were all doing.
“John drove the minibus for a darts team and worked for various haulage companies, driving long distance across the UK, though conditions in the cabs had definitely improved from the days he would drive to Scotland with no heating, no bed and only three gears!
“He would also do some work on the side, going to auctions to buy old washing machines which he would then do up and sell. He often had them stacked up in the garden, which could be a bit of a pain.
“Jason says: ‘Dad came into my life when I was 12 or 13 years of age and that was when I met all his children. I used to love going out in the lorries when he had long journeys and helping to fix washing machines when he had spare time. He was in my life for forty years and will be truly missed.’
“He eventually retired through ill health at the age of fifty eight but that didn’t mean he stopped doing things. He would happily sit outside Deb’s shop which sold second hand items, with his walking stick, a mug of tea and preferably convincing Caroline Richard to bring him a slice of her bread pudding, or to Rob’s workshop and enjoyed being asked to look after the places for a while if Deb or Rob needed to go somewhere. He liked to be useful.
“Damo really took after his Dad, inheriting his ability to fix anything and would always be helping him fixing the washing machines. They even worked in the same places but under different management.
“John and Gwyn would take the caravan to Brixham every year to enjoy a holiday with the children and grandchildren and they all loved it. They loved to take them to watch the Severn Bore in Blackney. They would have The Sun delivered to do the crosswords and the word searches.
“John enjoyed watching Heartbeat and anything with Fred Dibner, drag racing and comedies including Chubby Brown. He liked reading Dick Francis novels and westerns and if you ever lost him then you could guarantee that he would be in the loo reading a book.
“John always loved dogs, with a particular soft spot for black labradors, but keeping many different varieties over the years with the latest being a Yorkie cross called Coco. He loved their loyalty and their companionship, you always know where you are with a dog.
“John always loved steamrollers and steam engines and realy enjoyed going to the steam rallies in Bailey Park. He liked tractors and classic British cars, and at one point had a double garage to keep his two tractors, with the number plates BAD and SAD safe so that he could work on them.
“He loved fudge and everyone would be on the look out when they went away to find different flavours of the crumby fudge he preferred.
“Ian Morgan, a long time friend has said that he has many great tales of his exploits with John, none of which can be shared here!
“John has experienced more than his fair share of losses in his life, through the deaths of some of his siblings Duncan and Gill, children Carol, Kim and Damo. grandchildren Marc, Lee, David and Kayleigh and great grandchildren Angel, Kimberley and Taylor but he tried every single day to find the positive, to have a glass half full attitude, even when he became increasingly unwell himself
“Kelsey-Lea one of his carers has written: ‘I loved him with all my heart and would have done anything for him. He was one of a kind and such an amazing person, and it was an honour to care for him.’
“Although we’ve looked at some moments from John’s life it was quite complicated and so we’ve only really touched on a few. Among the thousands of moments that made up his life there will be many which are important and meaningful to different people here for a host of different reasons.
“Although they might be quite simple, rather than earth shattering they will each of take on a new significance now as we take time to look back through our own personal memories of John, re-evaluating them and reliving them in our minds or as we share them with others. As Jean has said: ‘It’s the end of an era, John was such a character. What a legend.’
“As we have been discovering John definitely had a soundtrack to his life, each song of which can transport us to a particular time and place, reigniting memories long dormant, expressing feelings that we might be finding impossible to put into words. Let’s take a moment to listen to one more song from this later part of John’s life, letting it prompt our own thoughts and memories to flow through out minds.
“Family and friends, we are approaching the part of this ceremony when we say thank you and farewell to John. Although this is a step we might have been dreading, fearing that it in some ways is too final, with time we will come to see it more as a point of transition.
“Our relationships with John don’t end here, but they do change, and will continue to develop and change and grow, strengthening more and more over the weeks and months to come as we spend time thinking of him, reappraising our journeys with him and appreciating so much more the many ways he has influenced and inspired us.
“We will begin to understand how we can take him with us, throughout our lives, hearing his words in our minds, seeing him reflected in ourselves and those around us through the generations. As we find the strength to take this step together these words might be helpful.
“Family and friends please use this time to say thank you and farewell to John in your own way, to offer prayers in your own way, to show your love in your own way.
“Please stand if you are able.
“Tenderly and reverently we commit John’s body to be cremated.
“We will remember the warmth of his welcome, his attitude to life and his sense of humour.
“We are inspired by his desire to pass on his skills and to encourage others to learn as well, by his commitment to his family and his determination to keep being useful in whatever way he could.
“We are grateful that he shared his life with us, and that we have been able to create memories with him along the way.
“We will remember his love.
“Please take your seats.
“Family and friends, we will now leave John in peace as we leave this space. With eternal love and the deepest gratitude, we say our final farewells safe in the knowledge that these bonds of love that we share can never be broken but will be strengthened when we hear a song a loved and remember driving with him as it played, if we see an unusual flavour fudge and try it for him, when the washing machine stops working and we try and remember what we need to do.
“We will play one final piece of song as we leave this place and make our way to The Olive Tree where there will be plenty of time and space to laugh and cry together as we share some of our personal memories of this unique man in a more informal way, which he would definitely have preferred.
“Any donations made in John’s name will be given to MIND to help them to support other families when they are at their lowest ebb.
“Thank you so much for being part of this ceremony today, and please have safe onward journeys. One final message to John, Goodnight MOG. Thank you.”